Death is a part of life-and there is no running away
Growing up, we encounter death in terms of our pet fish that died after giving us several weeks of amusement. It is something that happens to old people in other families. Being from an Asian household, I did not go to very many funerals or wakes as a child. At most I was told that someone’s grandmother or grandfather had passed on.
My first experience with death, up close, was when my grandfather passed away when I was 5. I was awoken early in the morning and told to say my love to him. All I remember now is sitting by his face on the side of the bed and calling him softly. I’m not sure I cried, or maybe I did when I saw my mother crying. I don’t think I grasped the situation till at least a couple of years later. He was buried on the front yard and for years(even now) when I go to that house, I stand there for a second to pay my respects to him. When my grandmother passed away 3 years ago, she was laid to rest beside her husband, so now that section of the garden is their resting place. We have planted flowers and a tree in that spot to mark their spot.
I did not think of all the may other ways that people die till I was much older. As mentioned, I did not see another death or body till I was much older. To me it always seemed like something that happened to old people. However, I realized later that the people I thought were old were in fact only in their 20s or 30s at the time, dying of illness or accident.
One of the most significant deaths that occurred to me was the death of a good friend when I was 24 and he 26. Tom had of a brain aneurysm out of nowhere. We had been chatting just a couple of days prior, about meeting up soon. I got a call from a mutual friend on that faithful Sunday with the news that he had suffered a stroke and was in a coma at the hospital. I rushed to the ICU(first time in my life) and there he was, hooked up to a multitude of machines, whirring while keeping him alive. It was heartbreaking to watch his family hold on to their hope although most of us knew that he was unlikely to come back. The doctors operated on him that day, to drain out the blood and fluids from his cranial cavity. He suffered another aneurysm after the surgery and was on life support for 4 days before his parents decided to let him go.
It has been several years now but it still feels so new and raw when I meet up with our group of mutual friends. Everyone else is now married, moving on with their lives but Tom did not get to do any of those. He had just finished university and started working. His death has served me as a reminder that our lives are so fragile and could be ended so quickly. It also reminds me that death is never far away.
My father in law also passed away very quickly, in a way. Back in March 2019, we had all just returned from a family holiday when he fell ill. His belly was getting extremely bloated and he was passing blood in the bathroom. The doctors found out that he had entire liver cirrhosis which had advanced to cancer, all due to undetected chronic viral hepatitis. He deteriorated in a matter of a few weeks and died in May 2019. This was my encounter with death in the form of an undetected chronic kind. It has made me wonder how many of my loved ones are carrying something undetected.
All of us are living towards our eventual deaths. There is no running away. We are here on the Earth for a limited time, hopefully long enough to have lived and loved enough. At the same time, we cannot choose our time of departure for this one way trip. As someone taught me once, death is the most painful for the ones who will miss us. Like how Tom’s parents probably miss him everyday or how my husband misses his dad whenever an event rolls by and he can’t spend a moment with him. Some take solace in religion or beliefs that they will one day reunite with their loved ones in something or somewhere after death. I am not particularly religious or spiritual but can’t help but hope for such a reunion after my own death.
